really weird teddies

... You wouldn't think that, on a website full of weird teddies, we would need a separate designation for Really Weird Teddies, but we do. That should give some indication as to just how weird these guys really are.

chuck duck

Chuck Duck and his little pal, Chucky, were the first Teddies I ever made ... Ever. For this reason, Chuck has seniority with the other Teddies around here, but his rule is noble and wise. He rarely speaks, but when he does, the other Teddies listen.

Chucky, on the other hand, talks a mile a minute, but nobody can understand a goddam word he says.

Chuck Duck has been lost to the sands of time.

grover

Grover is the SECOND Teddy I ever made!

He was a little bit simple minded, but Grover always meant well. His butt was full of beans, so he probably used to be a "therapy pillow" or something else of the like. He doesn't seem to have ever fully moved away from his past, so the other Teddies would sometimes speak to Grover about their problems. It was never clear how much he really understood what they were saying, but he was always very good at nodding and looking concerned, which is a good thing to do when people are telling you their problems and you don't really want to hear them.

As of 2012, Grover is no longer with us. He suffered a major rodent-related accident while in storage, and the damage was irreparable. May Grover rest in piece, wherever he is now. (Well, technically speaking he is evenly distributed between mouse nests and a landfill, but I'm talking existentially, here.)

hooter and grinner

Well, what do you know? ... I had utterly forgotten about these guys! They weren't on the old site -- I have no idea why.

Maybe it's because they got kicked off. Yes, that makes sense, actually. They always did enjoy trolling the other teddies. They didn't really mean to offend, but they just didn't know when to stop.

I have no idea what happened to these guys. They probably got hit with the banhammer. One never does know what happens to folks that get hit with the banhammer, let alone banned stuffed animals. They probably get thrown into some kind of Internet purgatory, or, in this case, cloth-and-stuffing purgatory ... I should probably stop typing now, yeah?

hungry hector

Hector is hungry. Very very hungry. Very very very very--

Crap, there goes my hand.

This guy annoys me, for some reason, and it isn't the hand, I swear it.

nigel

Pig-bat-tapeworm? Coming right up!

It's Nigel! Nigel is actually a sweetheart. He used to bake chocolate chip cookies for the other Teddies while he lived here. Granted, they weren't always the best cookies in the world -- he liked to try and substitute margarine for butter, and, like, seriously -- who even uses margarine anymore? Isn't that shit carcinogenic or some crap? -- but he meant well.

Nigel is now baking cookies in a new home.

octobunny

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The Octobunny is a bit of a strange thing, isn't he? He's got four monkey-arms coming out of his back, and some sort of weirdness going on with his jaw ...

Frankly I don't really know what I was thinking when I made this thing. Feel like I was kind of reaching with this one.

wallace

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Wallace was the result of a series of dangerous underground experiments designed to test whether it is possible for a seal to NOT be cute.

It isn't clear whether they were successful or not.

Wallace is hanging out in a new home.
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What the heck is this? I mean ... Seriously? What the heck IS this?

... It's a Ducktopus. Obviously.

So, it had been awhile -- a long, LONG while -- like, ten years long -- since I'd heard tell of any new Ugly Teddies. 2008 was the last anyone had heard of them.

Then, suddenly ... This guy showed up.

Nobody really knows what to make of him. He seems nice enough -- actually, he's very friendly. He seems to genuinely want to help out around the house, although he's not capable of doing all that much with those tentacles (they're less versatile than you'd think, being made of rubber rather than, you know, actual octopus muscle). Then, too, he can't say much with that weird mouth of his. His voice sounds like a combination of a quack and a very ominous, monotone, demonic growl, which makes it difficult for him to converse about complex subjects such as which disinfectant to use in the bathroom. He does seem to mean well, though.

Except ... Except, he has those teeth. Those darned teeth.

Anyway, here's the Ducktopus, the first "Real" (unique) Ugly Teddy since 2008. He found a new home, somehow.

Super secret bonus category:
Weirder than weird Teddies!

These are, like, concept teddies. That's why they get their own category.

bugs

Unfortunately, I'm not making this up ... This actually happened.

He must have run away, or ... Something, because he definitely isn't here any more.

Let us never speak of this again.

chatters

Honestly? ... Chatters is one of the coolest Teddies I've ever made. You can't tell from here, but his teeth *actually* chatter. No joke -- you wind him up and watch him go. I will forever kick myself that I didn't get a video.

Chatters is chattering in a new home.